Devon loves Geneva...

This is a smidgen of the novel I'm writing. Let me know what you think...

Some history...

She's Geneva, he's Devon and he's in love...So is she, madly, but she's being a little difficult because she's hiding baggage...

I do declare that what I am about to post here is the property of the one named Tashe. That's me! Enjoy...
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“Son of a bitch!”
Geneva ground the words through her teeth and slammed the phone onto her desk and then lifted it again as if to heave it at the wall.
“Who was on the phone, Geneva?”
Geneva nearly snapped her neck as she turned to see Devon standing just inside her office. She hadn’t been expecting him to come back today. She hadn’t really been expecting anyone…and then this fucking phone call and now…Devon. Geneva took a deep breath and closed her eyes, preparing to get out of explaining herself at all costs.
“Someone who pissed me off. Don’t worry about it.”
“Don’t worry about it?! Woman, are you crazy? You nearly whipped your telephone into the wall. If there’s someone around you that makes you that ‘pissed off’ I think I deserve to know about it.”
He had a point, but she couldn’t explain what just happened to him without explaining more…And she just didn’t want to talk to Devon about Warren Bannaytne!
“Forget about it. I probably overreacted anyway.” Geneva came out from behind her desk and walked over to Devon. She took his hand and pulled him towards a chair and then pushed him into it. Throughout she never met his eye. She knew if she did it would be over. She sat on his lap and fluttered her lashes and smiled coyly. “I wasn’t expecting you back…but I’m glad you’re here.”
“Look at me Geneva.”
“Kiss me first.” She tried to drop her head for a kiss.
Devon pulled back sharply and put his hand around her jaw, forcing her eyes up. Startled, Geneva met his eyes.
“Tell me, Neva, does your pulse race because of me, or the person on the phone we’re trying to ignore? Look at you. You can’t even look me in the eye. What’s going on?”
Geneva brought her hand up to cover his and put the other on the side of his face. Emotions; frustration, anger and fear, strangled her words. “Devon, Please. Please, just trust me on this, everything is fine…”
“Then why are you shaking? Why won’t you look at me? Why don’t you just tell me what just happened - what keeps happening that makes you like this; and makes me like this. I feel strongly that something’s going on and you won’t tell me; it makes you scared, which in turn makes me scared. I like to know what’s going on, Neva, I keep myself safe that way. I’ve learned that it’s necessary to follow my gut when my gut tells me something’s up. Yo, something is definitely up…”
“I wouldn’t let anything happen to you…”
“Geneva, I’m a man. I can take care of myself. You’re scared of something…I don’t think it’s me so why can’t you just tell me what it is?”
“Devon, it’s business. It really has nothing to do with you.”
“Are you lying to me, Geneva? I hope you’re not lying to me…”
“I’m not lying to you.” I’m just not telling you everything. “Look, Babe, I can handle this. It’s not your problem, really. Let’s not make it our problem. I have a business and I handled my business before you got here, you know?”
“Are you trying g to piss me off?”
“I didn’t mean it that way and you know it. Why do you want to fight, Dev? Remember how good things feel when we do this?” Her mouth pressed against his softly, her tongue reached out and invited his slowly, her breath cooled every heated stroke, scented; with everything Geneva.
Devon fought the urge to just give in. And he fought the urge to push her away. Something was wrong; she’s not telling… and she’s kissing him senseless. Warning bells were surely going off. Luckily, he was mad enough to fight the urge to do anything. Her tongue swiped over his lips, top, then the bottom, massaged each corner, and then pressed in between. Naturally, he kissed her back. All of it; all of what she gave said something about how she felt. He was feeling her kiss, checking for doubt and duplicity.
All he felt was love, love and care and passion. God help him, there was always passion. And it clouded his mind and it let him allow things that he would never allow at this stage of the ‘relationship’ before. It allowed him to let her keep her privacy as long as she continued to kiss him just like this. It told him that she loved him – and that really was the bottom line…still, trust came a close second. Devon pulled back from her persuasive lips before her teeth snagged him and brought him to his knees. He was well aware of his weaknesses. “Kissing you is…kissing you is great, but trusting you is far more important right now.”
“What have I done that you can’t trust me?”
“What have I done that you can’t trust me?
“Devon, I trust you with my life…I trust you with my heart. My body is quite under your control…Please, Babe. Let’s not make this more than it has to be. That phone call was old business. Old business who wants to be involved in new business and won’t take no for an answer. That kind of shit pisses me off. I overreacted. Now, we’ve wasted enough time with this…Honey, kiss me like you mean it.”
Devon couldn’t resist. He kissed her like he meant it, because for him, that wasn’t hard. He could spend a lifetime indulging her request. When he was done she dropped her head to his shoulder. Devon smelled her hair and stroked her back. All signs of her earlier stress reduced to ashes under his thorough assault. “Now, that’s how I love my woman. Relaxed, happy and properly kissed.”
Geneva laughed and tightened her arms around his neck.
“You know I care about you, don’t you?”
“Yes, Devon. I do.”
“You’re not in any trouble are you?”
She tipped her head back to his and kissed his mouth gently.
“I’m perfectly safe.”
“If this person bothers you again, I don’t mind intervening on your behalf…as a matter of fact, why don’t you send the old business my way? Maybe my business is as good as yours and then you won’t get pissed off and you can concentrate on other things…” Devon brought her head down for a kiss that was as powerful as it was brief. “Let me have a business card, I’ll call myself.”
“Why would you bother?”
“You nearly broke the phone into a million pieces! I don’t like to see you mad. If it’s business that they’re looking for, I’ve always got some of that. Let me help you…”
“I don’t need your help.”
“Geneva, it’s nothing…”
She jumped up from his lap and walked over to the mini fridge in the office. She grabbed water, opened and drank from it. “Why can’t you just leave it alone? I don’t need you to fix my problems. I’ll handle those on my own. Why can’ t you just trust that I can handle my shit?”
“I do trust that you can handle your shit, but, what’s wrong with sharing your shit. Why can’t you tell me what’s happening in your life. Why does a phone call late at night make you stutter? Why are you afraid? Why all the secrets and ambiguities? You have secrets, Geneva. You hide things from me and for the life of me I can’t figure out why?”
“You’re imagining things…you’re making something out of nothing.”
“I love you Geneva.”
“You’re making problems where there’s none.”
“You’re not telling me the truth.”
“There’s nothing to tell!”
“Tell me you love me.”
“Devon…why are you doing this? You know how I feel…”
“Then tell me; tell me how you feel.”
“You’re going too fast.”
“I’m going too fast?! Geneva, you’re with me every step of the way! I can say it. I’ve been saying it. I’m in love with you. I love you. If I’m making problems where there are none, how come you can’t tell me you love me when every time you kiss me, its love. Every time you take me into your body, even when it’s with bone-crushing intensity, you’re making love to me. I use words...”
“Well, I use action.”
“Yes, you do, and you do a mind-numbing, heart-wrenching job every time…”
“…and still it’s not enough!”
“No, it’s not enough! I’m more than flesh, Geneva! I deserve the words to tell me how you feel. I deserve a response to the words I say to you from my heart. You’re showing your love with your body, you share it with me with no hesitation. You lavish mine with attention that defies description, you’re giving and open and sensual. You’re authentic and sincere; everything wonderful. You’re eyes fill and flash and flare with the extent of your feelings every time they land on mine. Why deny me your thoughts, Geneva? Why keep me in the dark about who you really are? Why not share?”
“Do you really need everything to believe?”
Devon recoiled as if she’d slapped him. “What I’m asking you for you see as everything? I’m asking for too much? Consider what you get…since the beginning, what have I given? For what have I asked in return? Haven’t I made it worthwhile?”
“Now you’re just being mean, Devon.”
“And what about you?! I’ve had to tolerate excuses and immature foolishness from a woman I know is well beyond that.”
“Oh, now I’m making excuses and acting immature?!”
“Yes you are if that’s the only part of what I said that you heard.”
“Devon, why do I need to share every aspect of my life with you to make you sure that I’m here with you?”
“I never asked you to share every aspect of your life with me. And I am sure that you are here with me. I simply asked you what was wrong; every time I sensed that something was wrong. I told you I loved you and then waited and got nothing, way too many times. I willingly give you everything I have; everything I am, every time I see you. It’s still not everything! The extent of my imagination knows no bounds when I’m with you. I have no fucking idea the limits of my ‘everything’, or yours. But I want to, and I’m making it clear…you’re already setting up boundaries…Yeah, that was the word you used…even back then. I’m going to go.”
Geneva said nothing.
Devon got up and rubbed his hand over his head. Then it dropped to his chest…as it usually did with Geneva. Devon stuffed his hand into his pocket and walked to the door. Geneva came to stand in front of it but maintained her distance from him. To say that it hurt…to say that her refusal to touch him affected him very deeply was not enough. His heart was way too involved with this woman.
“Don’t go.”
“I have to go.”
“Please Devon. Don’t go…”
“Geneva, I have to go”
“…as long as we’re together we understand. I just need some time to adjust. If we’re together, I can hold you and you can hold me…”
“Then why haven’t you held me yet? Why hesitate?”
“Devon!? I just can’t win!”
She wailed and threw her hands into the air. She turned to walk away and Dev caught her arm and swung her back. She landed against his chest and his arms bound her. He simply held her and his eyes bore into hers; hers bore back. Searching, he saw many emotions in her eyes. Some of which made him feel helpless and frustrated. Still, there was love.
“I love you.” Devon said the words and released her to open and stride through the door.
Again, Geneva said nothing, but her eyes never wavered from him. He felt it and hoped that it would be enough.
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Inspiration for the Day...

THE POWER OF ATTENTION

There is great power in attention. What you pay attention to, consistently and over time, must respond. It has no choice. If you focus with belief in yourself and your ability to effect change, it must eventually give way to your attention. If you focus with personal power, building your center of truth inside, and acting out of that feeling of rightness and peace that is your center, receiving and acting upon guidance from your heart of rightness, it cannot help but begin to transform.

You may focus on an area of self-discipline. You may focus on outward events and people as well, but always from the point of view of what actions you might take and what attitudes you might shift internally, not in trying to force or control change in others. If you focus on a relationship with this in mind, that your goal is to connect more deeply, to understand the other person, and to shift your own responses and attitudes, you cannot help but succeed.

If you pay attention to an issue in your life such as weight or finances, give it your fullest attention and priority, being willing to see it through the obstacles that arise and the slips and slides along the way, if you keep your attention focused and your heart open and wiling to change as you go along, you cannot help but effect change. Change may be slow, but it is change nonetheless.

After all, you are the object of the change, and it is your attention that is focused. Begin with belief, belief that you can accomplish this change within yourself, regardless of the past. Know and accept that there will be challenges, challenges during which you will prove deep love for yourself by continuing with what you wish to accomplish, this great gift you wish to give yourself. Know that it may take years, but that you are worth years of focus and attention. Know, also, that every time you face the challenge and go forward, every time you fill yourself with courage instead of discouragement, that the angels surround you and applaud, lending you their support and working to make the world around you a bit brighter in response to your considerable courage.This is your life. Focus on it. Give it the attention it is due. Fill yourself with power and make your life your own.

Here is a mantra for you today:

I am my own best friend. I love myself completely and absolutely, exactly as I am. Everything has led to the moment, and this moment is perfect as it unfolds around me, through me, in me.

I am worthy of my own efforts, my own attention, my own focus. I am deeply worthy of the love I lavish upon myself, even as I feel the love that surrounds me and strengthens me.

I am love. I am light. I am the power of myself made manifest. I AM.

(Carrie Hart's Quado)