What I want...

If someone would pay me to share all the knowledge that I know I have in my heart, I’d be good. I don’t need everything, I won’t have everything…but I want the things that I want.
I want my parents to live every last day on this earth comfortably, lacking for nothing, taken care of…by the world. Everywhere they went; smooth sailing… I want my family to thrive and be prosperous, I wish for people to know us, to see us in our element, being, loving, laughing…I know that there is something about us that is special, and that can touch a lot of people. I know that the world is searching for someone to believe when it comes to having a happy life, a happy family…WE can show them, one day at a time.
Am I dreaming too high? Why, I’ve always seen things higher than was necessary. I’ve always been a dreamer.
I want us all to be just as we always have been, safe to be, who we are, together and apart.
I want the vibrations of our supreme connection to be a healing salve for the world. We have somehow been given the divine insight, messages from God, that confirm we were not simply dreaming too high, we were planning for the day when these amazing things would happen. I want my children to have everything they need, EVERYTHING, I want them to know God, believe in his presence with them always, allowing them to feel safe to be all that they are…
I want so much…I’ve always said those words. “I’m not asking for much, just a little bit.” I’m quickly learning that that is not entirely true.
I want my husband to know extreme happiness, I want him to know joy…so that he can stop worrying about whatever it is that he’s worrying about and just be himself, with me and our children, smiling, giving, laughing…we all spend a lot of time laughing…but I still want more! I want him to feel safe in the warmth of my family’s love. He’s our family now too…Yeah; I want a lot of things.
I want to meet Oprah, and Maya Angelou, and other beautiful black women. I want to meet many beautiful black men too…I want to know what makes them tick. Women and Men. And then I want to have the never ending talent to write about it. The insight to share something through fiction that may change the way people deal with each other…change the standard by which we determine the worth of a relationship, the worth of a friendship, the worth of oneself. I want people to care about each other again. I want an authentic world.
That’s too much. …I want to teach people how to enjoy life by living authentically. Striving for joy and happiness and peace. If everyone made that their goal, this world would be so great. 10 years, 20, 90; if the world cared, it would still be the best ten years alive, or twenty or ninety. Think of how much knowledge a 90 year old in my world could pass on…think of the impact on the generations to come…It’s a legacy of…I can’t even find the right word for right there…see, I told you I dreamed higher than necessary.
I’d settle for an honest president, or prime minister. I would settle for caring, compassionate judges in court, I would settle for men and women who behave responsibly, morally…people who tried to do something for themselves, because it the only thing to do, as opposed to rape, murder, theft, abduction, all those terrible things that people do to other people instead of just finding a little good inside them and going with that instead. I want to calm desperation…I want to bring peace. I want to encourage confidence and empowerment and integrity.
I want to learn and teach love…Passion. Rapture; has anyone ever been enraptured?

Money could get me all of that, if I had enough money…or maybe it could just clear our debt so we’re starting fresh, start some serious investment for our children, ease our parents for awhile, provide us with enough money that I can stay home and write. I really just want to write; whenever it takes me, this muse; she’s happy with me right now. I’m inspired to write, anything. My thoughts are so clear I just want to share them. If they’re pertinent at the time…

I got a thought about anything. It’s a real problem…

I’m making a reasonable request.


How many people can say that they have received messages from God and their angels with such clarity that within a 14 day period it has changed their lives? How many people can chart the exact time of when, and how, Divine knowledge came to them? How many people can describe the moment when they felt God’s presence beside them and knew exactly what they were supposed to do to continue in his blessings, continue on the path and receive great rewards? How many people know that their passage is blessed? I am not foolish enough to think all this happens Just Like That…

It may not be the end of the road when I reach my destination, but the beginning of one even further down the line, more meaningful, more prosperous, and more beneficial to more people. But I know How to complete this part of my destiny and I’m doing it right now. I’m thinking, I’m healing, I’m learning from what is inside, voices from God? Angels? Ancestors?

And I’m writing about it.

I have something to do here…we all have a divine purpose.

I’m tickled that I know in my heart, in my soul, (my hand shook with that!) I know that I am on the right path and somehow it has taken all my fears away…I know that I still have reality to deal with. Because I’ve seen the end doesn’t mean that I don’t have to participate in the now…I just feel sure that whatever I am doing; if I am diligent, responsible and patient…willing to work and optimistic. If I have faith in my abilities and the presence of God and my angels, support from my family and friends…I will be rewarded.

Eventually things will be better than they’ve ever been and we can all take a breath, and enjoy this beautiful life we’ve been given. Enjoy the people that soothe, restore, and feed our souls. Without guilt, for a greater good.
I have no intention of taking my path for granted. I know that I will have to work…I know that I will have to push, and that I have to share. I have no problem with that. My vision is bigger than that. My vision is all of that…

I’m even getting Mom to believe the hype. I don’t think I will ever feel absolutely comfortable with her and that aspect of my writing; well, I’m comfortable with myself, I just don’t think I would ever ask her to critique my work.. It would be enough for her to know, based on whatever else I write, about my talent. Erotica will always be my favorite…it stimulates me, but I am confident enough in my ability at this point; Thank you God, the Angels, my guide. I am confident enough to know for sure that it doesn’t have to be all. I can successfully write about other things and my messages; that “Tashe factor” will still be infused in it.

My style, my voice…God’s blessings.

I feel so calm…but I’m so excited at the same time.

I wish I could talk to other people who have had this type of experience. Spiritual awakening, divine guidance…Talking in tongues…that happens to some…

I’m all over the place with this piece. I have no direction; I just feel that there is so much to say, so much to share. That urgency is Spiritual. I want others to feel as I do right now, for their own reasons, in their own way…I don’t mind being the messenger. I just need people to want to be there, now.

I’M NO EXPERT, I CAN’T GET ANYONE THERE…I can simply share my story and maybe it’ll give you some insight as to what you should use to fulfill your own potential for spiritual growth as a tool for a better life. A prosperous life; authentic and thoroughly enjoyable.

I sound like an infomercial. Should that ever come to pass; I will try harder…

I feel like laughing, out loud and long.


It’s a letter just like this, to exactly the right person, (God’s work), that changes a life from normal to extraordinary. I’m about to change some lives…

I know joy, straight up, joy. That baby I had to check on seconds ago, our precious, brilliant four year old, sleeping soundly with a dry bed, my sleeping, okay, snoring husband…I really am just so good right now!

That has to mean something!

Right After this Cigarette (A Short Story), contd...

...My legs opened and I dropped one hand down to my crotch, feeling my moisture through my pants. I didn’t need to feel this level of horny wetness to know that I was there. I simply needed to touch my pulsing clit, even with the cloth barrier.
Ahhh!
I was getting feverish. The vibrations sent from my nipples to my clit prompted me to intensify the moment. My hands slipped under my top and I felt the heat of my breasts on my hands. I sighed deeply but softly so as not to wake my sleeping husband, he might want some too and tonight, it was me.
Just me, and myself, and my hungry achy body.
I tweaked and pinched and squeezed each nipple softly, painfully until my head crashed back to rest on the couch. I licked my lips, moistening them since my panting and groaning breaths deprived them of moisture, I licked them again. Then I brought my fingers to my mouth, wetting the fingertips of one hand with my tongue. I watched as I wet my engorged nipple with the slightest touch of my damp finger. I twirled the tip of my breast under my finger until need nearly brought tears to my eyes.
I love to touch myself.
I changed positions and lay on my back. I brought one leg up and swung the foot over the back of the couch. Leaving the other on the floor, I had opened myself wide. I untied the drawstring at my waist as the intensity, the anticipation, built once again.
I wondered why I would do this to myself when just a couple of quick strokes over my weeping clit would thoroughly satisfy – so fast, but I wanted to savor.
This was an official date with Myself and I planned to milk it for all it was worth.
For Myself, by Myself.
Straight up, every woman, highly sexed by a skillful and loving partner or not, needed to attend to herself – creatively and often. Keeps the orgasm muscle flexed, you know what I’m sayin’?
I was at a point of no return. My hand dived into my pants and I touched the pad of my finger lightly over my clit.
Ohhh…
Ugh!
I pressed a little harder that time and realized that I was close, very close to coming.
Too close.
I flipped the script.
My poor titties never got a break and I was half crazy as I felt I felt about for the latex glove I had planted at the scene before the cigarette.
I was going in…and I didn’t want to risk injury with my long nails.
Pretty hands did have some drawbacks. There really was nothing like the feel of your walls as they crowded your fingers and sucked.
Next time!
I stopped fingering my nipples and pulled on the glove. With one hand I opened my slick lips, swollen and dripping I traced each with a latex covered digit, the plastic gliding without friction over my throbbing clit. I hissed air between my teeth and then put my full bottom lip between them. I needed to concentrate if this was going to go as planned. I flicked each nipple roughly and then left them alone. The feeling reciprocated deep in my belly and covered my body in goosebumps – like a residue over my skin. I bucked my hips once, twice and then let them settle on the couch again.
My heart beat fast, so fast, and I felt every beat between my legs, in the very center which stood open and willing, taking air.
I paused for a minute, just a minute and then my finger was inside. Deep inside myself, pressing and probing, massaging and igniting new fires, evoking new sensations on top of the old. These deep, and outrageously satisfying. My breath caught in my throat, not a sound escaped from between my lips as I moaned and sighed, thrashed and screamed boldly inside my head. I felt the vaginal orgasm prepare to knock me down, knock me out, and stopped pressing that delicious alphabet spot deep inside.
I breathed in slowly, letting the air out between my pursed lips. I did not want to make a sound yet the symphony of my fingers in and around my pussy were amplified to my own ears. I plucked a nipple with two wet fingers and smelled my essence in the air.
Then I pressed inside again.
Then, I removed my finger to flick the latex-covered nail gently over my clit.
Repeating this action until I was tied up, begging…Can you feel it?